(5) THE AWAKENING July 28, 2009
Continued………. The Grim Reaper went home alone.
Unaware that four days had passed my first conscious thought when I awoke was “Where is everybody?” Apparently I had made it out of the critical part of the ordeal. I was feeling a little weary but that seemed logical after a battle of the body and mind with an unknown assailant. However, I also felt refreshed, like waking from a much needed rest. I took the liberty of sitting up and viewing my surroundings. The nurse, I would learn, was never very far away. She noticed me swing my legs to the side of the bed and came in to see what I was up to. It seemed odd to me that she wasn’t overtly happy to see me finally awake. And she lacked the normal concerned look that I might attempt standing so soon after awakening. She implied by her conversation that we were acquainted with each other. The grumbling in my stomach overruled my curiosity. Breakfast was here and I was famished. Eating exhausted me and I fell back into a deep sleep.
My sister in-law, who I thought to be my first visitor, arrived after my nap and I was glad to see a familiar face. “Feeling better today” were the first words out of her mouth. Because of the fact that I didn’t recall seeing her until before the heart attack I sat staring at her with what must have been a perplexed look.
We both seemed to clue in at the same time. Trying to figure out how much time had passed I asked her what day it was. Unknown to me it had been almost five days since the attack and according to her I had been awake and functioning for the last two days.
That was a couple of blank pages from my book that were never to be recovered. Compared to the vast number of pages that disappear from our minds as time goes on it was inconsequential. However, it was more unsettling than I had originally thought when certain individuals were all too happy to tell me what I had ‘said’ while my alter ego was apparently in control of my conscious mind. For the first time I felt the true impact of losing time. They mentioned things I can’t imagine me saying in ways unfamiliar to my real character. But what was I to do? I couldn’t remember and the nurses validated the truth of my unconscious exile. As time went on it seemed that those same people took liberties of quoting me from when I was absent from my own mind when it best suited there needs. Some of which I could have said but lots that I couldn’t relate to. It recalled a memory from high school. I was very uncomfortable when one of the fads that popped up was being hypnotized. I had always been wary of putting myself in a situation which caused the loss of control of my own mind. This just confirmed my belief that you had better have implicit trust in any person you hand over your psyche to.
The doctor came to see me as soon as he heard I was awake. It was time to hear the about the aftermath of my attacks. They had done several electrocardiograms and a few ultrasounds which concluded the following.
My immediate problem was the large blood clot that had formed on my left ventricle. It was protruding at least two inches in diameter on the left side of my heart. I was on blood thinners in hope that it would allow the blood to flow more freely to the rest of the body trying to avoid another attack. Along with the clot here was damage to the left ventricle but he wouldn’t know the extent until he could perform an angiogram. That couldn’t be done until the blood clot dissolved of its own accord. Trying to put the pieces together we concluded that the first attack had been minor and the second was what they called a “massive” heart attack. The third they had under control in a short period of time because they were there when it occurred. It was official; I was an enigma and would be reminded of this often in the years ahead.
Continued…………
Quotation
“When you are told that you have some of kind of physical affliction, you can either prepare to suffer or prepare to heal.”
Author Wayne W. Dyer
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